Friday, October 3, 2008

Kitchen Décor That Only Norman Bates Could Love

Haiku Friday

Bad Idea Bears visit
while I drool at décor ideas
Look! Norman Bates’ house

I’m absent-mindedly looking around online for items that I could use to decorate The Condo for Halloween. And wouldn’t you know it, the Bad Idea Bears showed up and tried to convince me to buy a bunch of weird stuff and redecorate.



Bad Idea Bears: These items all go together; you could use them all to decorate your kitchen! Don’t pay attention to what Kenneth Brown says in his TV show Over Designed. Theme kitchens are very in this year.

Me: Well yeah, if you’re some homicidal nutcase like Serial Mom or Norman Bates from the movie Psycho! No. I’m not doing a CSI kitchen theme in the Condo.

Bad Idea Bears: (Batting their eyelashes and looking excessively cute) Pleeeeeese!

Me: Weeeell. I suppose I could blog about it. I haven’t done a design-centered post in awhile. It’s October and time to plan for Halloween. And I am feeling kinda cheeky…

Bad Idea Bears: Yaaaaaay!

So let’s take a look at how Norman Bates may decorate his kitchen if we wanted to proudly proclaim to the world that he is in fact, a psycho nut job. (And before you ask, no. I don’t seriously recommend decorating a house in this theme. I’m just trying to appease the Bad Idea Bears and my Inner Brat after having a not so great week.)

Let’s have some fun, shall we?

Scene: Day

Setting: The kitchen of the Psycho house on the Universal Studios lot. Where else?


(Norman Bates walks into the back door of his house and into the kitchen after a hard day of work at the Bates hotel. Norman fumbles in the dark for the Hanging Harry Light Pull and turns on the overhead kitchen light.)

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(Then Norman puts on a manly black chef’s apron and begins to prepare a sumptuous meal for his mother.)

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He decides to make stir fry. That involves chopping a lot of vegetables. Fortunately, for Norman he has a fondness for kitchen knives and the Ex Knife Holder.

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In fact, Norman likes to chop things up so much that keeps around two sets of knives in his kitchen! When a situation demands a good hack, slash, or chop, he knows he can count on the knives in his Throwzini knife holder.

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Norman thinks Mother may be a little peckish after sitting in the basement all day. He decides to make her some hors d'oeuvres and looks for the Pound party picks.

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Norman: Oh goodness! The party picks are in the dishwasher. I can’t use dirty party picks. Mother would not approve. I suppose I’ll serve her a plate of cheese cubes instead. Now, where did I put the OUCH! Voodoo doll toothpick holder? Oh there it is!


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SFX: the telephone rings. (Norman puts his cup of tea (hemlock, perhaps?) on a Splat Stan Coaster. He answers the telephone.)

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(Norman grabs a pen from his Dead Fred Penholder, writes something on a piece of paper, and hangs up the telephone.)

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Norman: (calling to his Mother off screen) Mother! I have to go. Janet Leigh is going to check into the hotel tonight. After I deal with her, we’ll set down to a nice dinner and watch a nice wholesome family movie like Grindhouse, OK?
End of Scene

Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. For the record, no amount of prescription medication or therapy makes the Bad Idea Bears go away. Sometimes you just gotta roll with it. That’s a fact.