Condo Blues: Put Away the White Shoes, It’s Labor Day!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Put Away the White Shoes, It’s Labor Day!

Labor Day is here
should I keep wearing white shoes?
Serial Mom says no

Ah, Labor Day. Time to say good-bye to summer (my favorite season), hi to fall, and a big HELLO GORGEOUS to the Labor Day sales at the home improvement stores!

I also say a little sad good bye to kicky summer sandals, even the white ones. Now, I was taught that you shouldn’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. Apparently, arbiters of What Not to Wear fashion Staci and Clinton disagree. They say you can wear white shoes after Labor Day.

Fashion, like home decorating and design ebbs and flows. Things change. Over time what’s in goes out, what’s out is in, up is down, black is white. I get it. Therefore, I’d be willing to give the white shoes after Labor Day thing a chance if it weren’t for one thing. The movie Serial Mom.

The woman scares me to bits. Come on. You have to remember how John Water’s seemly sweet and perfect homemaker Beverly Sutphin (played by the amazing Kathleen Turner) was really a raging sociopath who humorously and violently offed her neighbors for such heinous offenses as not recycling. She bludgeoned a woman with a leg of lamb for not rewinding a rented videotape (hey, the movie was made in 1994 way before Netflix.) And then Beverly gets even with a juror who commits the sin of continually wearing white shoes after Labor Day during her trial.



[Juror #8 (Played by yes, that Patty Hearst ) is talking on a payphone] We did it! We set her free! I knew she was innocent right from the beginning.


[Beverly Sutphin (Kathleen Turner) comes from behind and grabs the phone from Juror #8] You can't wear white shoes after Labor Day!

Juror #8: That's not true anymore.

Beverly Sutphin: Yes. It. Is! Didn't your mother tell you? [Beverly smacks Juror #8 in the face with the phone.]
Juror #8: Ugh! [Juror #8 falls face first into the wall behind her]

Beverly Sutphin: Now you know.


Juror #8: No! Please! Fashion has changed!

Beverly Sutphin: No ... it hasn't. [Beverly gives Juror #8 an uppercut with the telephone and sends her into the wall again.]


Scary isn’t it ? (And I’m not just talking about the tacky white pumps. Those shoes are nasty even for 1994!) I look at the movie Serial Mom as a serious object lesson: Do NOT wear white shoes after Labor Day. Or else.

I wonder if the same rules apply to decorating with white after Labor Day. Any ideas?

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