Condo Blues: Put Away the White Shoes, It’s Labor Day!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Put Away the White Shoes, It’s Labor Day!

Labor Day is here
should I keep wearing white shoes?
Serial Mom says no

Ah, Labor Day. Time to say good-bye to summer (my favorite season), hi to fall, and a big HELLO GORGEOUS to the Labor Day sales at the home improvement stores!

I also say a little sad good bye to kicky summer sandals, even the white ones. Now, I was taught that you shouldn’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. Apparently, arbiters of What Not to Wear fashion Staci and Clinton disagree. They say you can wear white shoes after Labor Day.

Fashion, like home decorating and design ebbs and flows. Things change. Over time what’s in goes out, what’s out is in, up is down, black is white. I get it. Therefore, I’d be willing to give the white shoes after Labor Day thing a chance if it weren’t for one thing. The movie Serial Mom.

The woman scares me to bits. Come on. You have to remember how John Water’s seemly sweet and perfect homemaker Beverly Sutphin (played by the amazing Kathleen Turner) was really a raging sociopath who humorously and violently offed her neighbors for such heinous offenses as not recycling. She bludgeoned a woman with a leg of lamb for not rewinding a rented videotape (hey, the movie was made in 1994 way before Netflix.) And then Beverly gets even with a juror who commits the sin of continually wearing white shoes after Labor Day during her trial.



[Juror #8 (Played by yes, that Patty Hearst ) is talking on a payphone] We did it! We set her free! I knew she was innocent right from the beginning.


[Beverly Sutphin (Kathleen Turner) comes from behind and grabs the phone from Juror #8] You can't wear white shoes after Labor Day!

Juror #8: That's not true anymore.

Beverly Sutphin: Yes. It. Is! Didn't your mother tell you? [Beverly smacks Juror #8 in the face with the phone.]
Juror #8: Ugh! [Juror #8 falls face first into the wall behind her]

Beverly Sutphin: Now you know.


Juror #8: No! Please! Fashion has changed!

Beverly Sutphin: No ... it hasn't. [Beverly gives Juror #8 an uppercut with the telephone and sends her into the wall again.]


Scary isn’t it ? (And I’m not just talking about the tacky white pumps. Those shoes are nasty even for 1994!) I look at the movie Serial Mom as a serious object lesson: Do NOT wear white shoes after Labor Day. Or else.

I wonder if the same rules apply to decorating with white after Labor Day. Any ideas?

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Anonymous said...

no labor day here - white shoes rule year round!!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, super cute haiku. I'm not sure I even own white shoes, so I'm good to go, no dilemmas. ;)

Lisa Nelsen-Woods said...

Monica and Maggie you are very lucky that you have avoided the whole White Shoe conundrum.

Next point of order. Are white pants OK after Labor Day? My SIL gave me a pair of her white denim capris. I couldn't really wear them out and about because it was too hot during summer. Now it's coolish and time for capris in the evening (or at agility practise) it's offically No White Shoe Time. Any thoughts?

Mel said...

Hmm, well do you think white sneakers count? They're not solid white....

White capris I think should be okay after Labor Day, but probably only until the Autumnal Equinox or so. I tend to agree with Serial Mom about white after Labor Day (or whenever school is back in session sometimes) without the freaky consequences. :)

Korie said...

I HATE when people wear white shoes after Labor Day. It was something ingrained into my very fiber by my grandma when I was very young. Do NOT wear white shoes after Labor Day. I bitch about it here (Europe) all the time.

Honey Mommy said...

I wear what I want!

That said, I don't actually own many pairs of white shoes... unless tennis shoes count!

Barb Smith said...

You crack me up! I love Serial Mom, awesomely funny movie!

As for me, I don't like white shoes anyway, unless you count my New Balance tennis shoes. LOL

Lidian said...

I guess I can wear white shoes as long as I don't tell Kathleen Turner...

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