Condo Blues: humor




Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Saturday, November 25, 2017

25 Days of Alternative Christmas Movies

I like watching a good holiday movie but I swear Christmas movies only use four major plots they recycle, over, and over, and over, again:
  • Dickens' A Christmas Carol
  • It’s a Wonderful Life
  • Helping Santa/the town/an event/the disadvantaged overcome a mean or terrible obstacle or their will not be a Christmas/Event
  • And if you’re the Hallmark Channel, it usually involves a sappy sweet love story of finding a significant other, lost family member, or quite possible a puppy
Actually the puppy is wishful thinking on my part. I love dogs!

After one too may years of being forced to watch the same trite children’s Christmas special or ooey, gooey, and predictable December  movie (or coming home grumpy from being stuck in holiday traffic) makes the little pink haired punk rock girl who still lives inside me want to kick the doors off my holiday entertainment with a Christmas explosion or a monster or two.



Pin this list for later! Come on, you know you wanna.



If you need a break from watching  the holiday same old, same old, put the kiddoes to bed and break out my list of 25 non traditional Christmas movies – one for each day of December leading up to and including Christmas!

25 of the Best Non Traditional Christmas Movies for December   

Thursday, January 7, 2016

DIY Recycled Bottle Cap Zipper Pull. So Easy!

I keep my dance, color guard, and yoga gear organized and ready to go in separate string backpacks. I am extremely fortunate to get the little backpacks from marching band events. That  makes it a zero cost organization system. The downside is all of the bags are from the same sponsor. Is too easy to grab the wrong bag for the wrong class. Whoops!

I can fix this by making a unique handmade zipper pull for each backpack so I can tell them apart.

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This is a quick and easy recycled craft that is fun to do with kids. Sourcing the materials might be the best part of the project because we are reusing bottle caps. Enjoying a soda treat in the name of recycled organizers? Don’t mind if I do!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Star Wars Crafts: Princess Leia Ear Muffs

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is about to open (can’t wait!) winter is coming, and so the Christmas gift season. I can’t think of a better excuse make something that has been on my idea list since the  first time I saw Spaceballs, (affiliate link)  the Star Wars parody movie – Princess Leia Hair Bun Ear Muffs!

Pin this tutorial for later!

How to Make Princess Leia Ear Muffs

Friday, October 23, 2015

Renaissance Festival Handmade Craft Shopping Haul

Through vendor friends and fellow performers, the renaissance festival is where I started learning about essential oils, creating herbal tea blends for both medicinal and yummy purposes, and fell head over heels with handmade health and beauty products.

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It is also where we got the idea of starting our Christmas gift shopping early and somewhat year round. Years ago a fellow performer proudly declared that he finished all of his Christmas shopping at the faire and was chuffed he was finished in September. Naturally being the good friends that we are, we kidded him about it.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

10 Amazing Pirate Ship Beds

Ahoy ye matey!

In honor ‘o International Talk Like a Pirate Day I be roundin’ up a bevvy of pirate décor for ye children be they wee pirate lads or wee pirate lasses. Yaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!

 10 Incredible Pirate Ship Beds
Pin for later ya scurvy dog! 


</end pirate voice mode>

I’m using International Talk Like a Pirate Day as a big fat crazy excuse to dive head first into my Pinterest boards (follow me @condobues on Pinterest pretty please?) and share with you 10 of the most spine twinging, shiver me timbers and blow me down pirate ship kids beds that will make you the coolest parent on planet earth.

Or if you can fit one into your master bedroom, make your inner pirate child happy.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

5 End of Summer Projects and Adventures

Just as our unseasonably cold and soggy summer finally gets around to acting  like a normal clear and blazing hot summer the season is officially over with Labor Day weekend. Ohio weather is certainly an adventure!

That’s not to say, Husband and I have not had our share of projects and adventures in between thunderstorms. Since most of them are tidbits rather than full blown blog post I figure why not wrap up the summer with a wrap up of our summer fun?




After spending a little over a year driving past it and silently sending the place “build it faster” vibes

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Whimsical and Recycled DIY Flamingo Garden Decor

I have a weird love hate relationship with outdoor garden décor and yard art. I’d love to add a few whimsical pieces to my garden for color that doesn’t die (like our landscaping always does.) The problem is I hate for my garden tchotchkes to be the same as everyone else.


Pin me!

I’ve been looking on and off for unusual garden decorations all summer. I found a few to poke fun at like the free range garden Yeti we found in Amish country but nothing we really wanted in our yard full time. Or in the case of Sasquatch and lawn gnomes, something which is commonly stolen because it is ridiculous.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Ant Killer Caution: Ant Pesticides Can Kill Plants Too

With the rainiest summer in history (sorry drought stricken folks) everyone I has had an ant problem this summer.

Apparently this year’s ant colonies are particularly devious and tenacious because even after following all the steps in my post How to get Rid of Ants in a Pet and Kid Safe Natural Way some of those little jerks found a way back into my house, although not as many as before.


 Pin this post for reference!

The last straw came when the concrete ants bit me because they though I was standing too close to the pot of chocolate mint they use as a summer party pad on my patio.  We’ve been doing our own thing on the patio for years without bothering each other until now. What’s up with that ants? Why won’t you let us use the grill without annoying ant bites?

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Yetis are Real I Have Proof!

Husband and I spent a day in Ohio Amish country.

We found Sasquatch.




Absolute 100% proof that Garden Yetis exist! 

Husband wouldn't let me take him home. He said we should let Bigfoot stay free range.

The new landscaping plans are totally ruined.

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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

12 Sharks You Won’t See on Shark Week #SharkWeek

It’s Shark Week! For those who have been off planet the last 27 years, Shark Week is supposed to be a week of educational documentaries about sharks on the Discovery Channel. For a long time, Shark Week was nothing but factual shows about the fascinating world of sharks.

Now? Not so much. It didn’t take much research for me to find that Discovery and Shark Week lied to scientists to get them to appear in their "documentaries" and edited their interviews to make it sound like the scientist were hunting fairy tale animals like Monster Hammerhead, Zombie Shark, and Sharkaggeddon.Good-bye science! Hello ratings!




I figure if Shark Week can spread science lies, then so can I! The only difference here is I'm doing it for fun and I'm flat out telling you that I'm making this stuff up (with two minor exceptions.)  

12 Sharks That Are More Believable Than Anything You’ll See on Shark Week 


Thursday, June 18, 2015

How to Replace a Rain Barrel Spigot

My rain barrel has been harvesting water for the last three years. I couldn’t be happier with it. Even better my rain barrel keeps a soggy side of my house dry.


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The only downside to my 40 gallon bundle of joy is after three years of faithful service the shut off valve on the attached hose broke. I can’t unscrew it and use a regular garden hose with my rain barrel rock because it has a hose instead of a spigot. 

Sunday, May 31, 2015

How to Make an Easy Cargo Net Car Organizer

I have a bunch of junk in my trunk.

The trunk of my car, people. Not my badonka donk! Although truthfully….oh never mind.

The biggest mess maker is the stash of reusable shopping bags we keep in the car. They slosh out of the big shopping bag that is supposed to contain them and into everything else in the trunk.

How to make a cargo net car organizer
Pin this tutorial for later!

The last straw was when the mess hid a container of orange juice that popped out of a grocery bag and it sat in a hot car for several days. I still have nightmares about the stench that followed. So. Evil. Horrible. BAD.
Most car organizers I found are not made for sedans, only SUVs. Besides we don’t want a shopping bag and stuff organizer that doesn’t allow us to fold the back seat down. This is mostly an issue during the summer when I’m hauling color guard equipment back and forth to practice.  The flags don’t fit in the trunk unless I fold the seat down.


Would you believe this is what my trunk looks like when it is neat? Sad. I know.

 Dollar Store Cargo Net Car Organizer Tutorial


I gave Lisa my idea to hang her shopping bag organizer on the side of the car trunk instead of the back. She came up with using laundry bags because the mesh is small enough to contain the most important thing in our car (besides snacks) my Frisbee and tennis ball for the dog park!


You will need:

Mesh laundry bag - This mesh laundry bag is similar to the one I used  

Fabric - I used a fat quarter of fabric

Interfacing

Scissors

Large grommet kit (I used this grommet kit from Dritz)

Iron and Ironing board

Thread

Straight pins

Sewing machine

Magnet hooks (I buy my magnetic hooks here)

Hook and loop tape 

A canine project manger – Try to find one who doesn’t sleep on the job.


 
I am not sleeping on the job! My eyes are open!

Make it:

1. Remove the drawstring from the laundry bag. I cut the end off with a pair of scissors.

2. Use the scissors to cut a horizontal side open from the closed end of the bag to the open end of the bag.

3. Measure the circumference of the horizontal opening in the laundry bag and add 2 inches to that measurement for a seam allowance.

4. Use this measurement to measure and cut a piece of fabric and interfacing that is that long and 4 inches wide.

5. Fold the rough lengthwise edges of the fabric right side (the pretty part) to wrong side (the back of the fabric) in and iron them into place to make smooth edges to your banding.

6. Fold the banding wrong sides together and iron it into place. This will be the banding for the top of your cargo net trunk organizer.

7. Use the straight pins to pin the banding around the top of the open mesh bag.  Use the sewing machine to sew the top and the bottom of the band into place.

I used a zig zag stitch because I forgot to reset my sewing machine back to a straight stitch after a previous project and I figured why not? You can use a straight stitch too.

8. Pin the raw open end of the laundry bag closed. Use the sewing machine to sew the bag closed.


You should use a straight stitch to make this seam.

9. Set two grommets (also called eyelets) into the band of the bag using the grommet tool that comes with the grommets. Read my tutorial How to install grommets if your kit doe not come with clear instructions.



10. Sew a piece of the hook side of hook and loop tape to the back side of the fabric band. This will help keep your trunk organizer in place and against the carpeted wall of your car trunk.

Warning: This will not be strong enough to keep the organizer full of stuff attached to the side of your car trunk. Guess how I know? That’s why we need Step 11.

11. Attach the magnet hooks to the metal sides of your trunk, hang the cargo net up, and get that organize that junk in your trunk!


This is such an easy way to organize the stuff in our car and make sure it stays put! I made two net car organizers for each side of our trunk. One cargo net keeps our reusable shopping bags organized. The other cargo net keeps our picnic blanket, Frisbee and toys, and car seat covers from sliding all and hiding fetid orange juice containers for days on end.

 
Easy organization. Love that!

The net organizers are easy to remove if we need extra room in the trunk for a trip or when I buy something big at the home improvement store.

How do you keep your car organized?


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Friday, May 29, 2015

18 of the Best Father's Day Gifts for Dad!

I asked Husband for cool and usual Father's Day gift ideas we can either buy or DIY and give to our Dads for Father's Day.

I never should have asked. I had to stop Husband after he added a box of live ferrets to his long, humorous, and wildly inappropriate list of gifts for the men in our life.

Besides everyone knows a box of ferrets is more of a Christmas gift idea, not a Father's Day gift idea,  obviously.


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After some quality Pinterest and Internet time, I found some unique Father's Day gift ideas that are a step beyond the World's Greatest Dad coffee mug type of gift.

Not that Dad doesn't deserve a World's Greatest anything gift, mind you. It's just that you can give him a Father's Day mug only once. After that, you need to come up with another awesome gift for the following year.

I created a Father's Day gift guide with my gift suggestions and posted it on my food blog Lazy Budget Chef. Click the link for great ideas and save the box of ferrets for Christmas.



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Sunday, May 3, 2015

14 Epic Star Wars DIY Projects

Happy Star Wars Day! May the Fourth be with you!

When Star Wars came out, it was the first movie to have have major toy tie ins. Some of the toys were pretty good like the action figures. Some of the toys were not so great like the flashlight light sabers. And most of the time, the toy or character thing you wanted as a kid didn’t exist so you had to make it.

Now all of those Star War maker kids are grown up. They share the Star Wars movies with their children and play with the cool new Star Wars toys they didn’t have when we were kids. But the coolest thing of all is those maker kid grew up and are still making epic Star Wars DIY projects. Some for their kids but mostly for themselves.

14 Epic Star Wars DIY Project Roundup


May the Fourth Be With You: 14 Star Wars DIY Décor Projects


Sunday, April 26, 2015

18 Awesome Playhouses You Have to See to Believe!

I think one of the best thing about being a parent is being able to build your child a playhouse or tree fort. Sure, you can buy your kid  one of those  little plastic huts at the toy store and call it a playhouse. But why when there are so many crazy fun and unusual playhouses out there to build instead?

18 unusual playhouses
Pin this post for inspiration!


How fun is this little crooked house on  A Place Imagined? A former Disney artist built this whimsical fairy playhouse from found materials.


wimsical playhouse
Adorable!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Our Wedding Story

Once upon a time, because that’s how stories start, a dashing man and lovely lady were married 18 years ago on this very day.

bridal party
This is my favorite picture of our Elizabethan bridal party because is was impromptu. We were walking to the cars after the photo session and the photographer yelled “STOP!” and took this photo. A copy hung in his shop. I should also mention that the gazebo in on the grounds of a mental hospital. Somehow that seems fitting!
 
The man is still dashing. I call him Husband. He says the lady is still lovely. He calls her Lisa.
Husband and I met as new performers at the Ohio Renaissance Festival. I can still show you the spot on the grounds when the thought flashed through my head that I was going to marry him. I quickly pushed it out of my head thinking it was a result of being a single Maid of Honor in a recent family wedding.

I was wrong.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

6 Green and Frugal Things for March (and a Few That Aren’t!)

 Sometimes I post a list of little frugal things we do each month on my food blog Lazy Budget Chef and thought I’d do it today on Condo Blues. Some of these things are big, most are small. You don’t have to look to closely to see that most of them are green too!

real life green and frugal things that save money


1. Turned off the heat Saturday when it reached 60 degrees ( F) outside. Husband and I did a little dance thinking we were good to go until Fall.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

8 DIY Fire Starters

Last summer during a impromptu gathering, my friend  Tim and his neighbor Marc when out side to start a fire in the backyard fire pit.

eight recycled homemade fire starters


From the kitchen, we hear unintelligible squabbling followed by:

Tim (raised voice): No, you are doing it wrong!

Marc (bellowing): Well then put on some more!



FOOM!



A HUGE fireball erupts over the fire pit!

The rest of us tumble out of the house and into the the backyard. Fortunately our friends weren’t charred crispy critters. Oh no. Instead  Tim and Marc were a safe distance away and laughing like two naughty kids playing with too much lighter fluid.

Husband turns to me and says, “THAT is why you will never have a fire ring.”

Au contraire my dear Husband, there are ways to start a fire without lighter fluid. You can start a campfire with homemade fire starters!

How to Make Fire-Starters


Friday, December 19, 2014

Outdoor Christmas Décor: Modern Lighted Tomato Cage Christmas Trees

For as much I enjoy looking at Christmas light displays you’d think I’d do something fancy outside of my own home.

modern tomato cage Christmas tree with lights
Nope. I keep it simple.

Why?

Because it is always too cold outside to put up and take down elaborate Christmas decorations!

Peace, love, joy, and warmth. That’s what my outdoor Christmas décor is all about.

And by warmth I mean not freezing my legs off while I’m outside or in the garage building new Christmas decorations.

This year I made a few changes in our outdoor Christmas décor and especially in what I used to display them. I wore the right work pants for the job, my Duluth Trading Company Women's Fleece-Lined DuluthFlex Fire Hose Pants.

Did I mention these multi-pocketed wonder pants are lined with warm and soft fleece, one of my favorite cold weather fabrics? Oh yes, my friends. My new fancy pants kept me warm while installing Christmas decorations. They proved their worth later that evening on a walk with Lacey to look at Christmas lights a local park. We left early because Husband wore jeans and got cold. Me? Not cold at all.

fleece lined fire hose pants
The best thing about Duluth Trading Company clothes is they realize women need just as many pockets in their clothing as men.  DuluthFlex Fire Hose Pants have six packets: 2 front pockets, a zippered thigh cargo pocket, 2 back pockets, and a Pokey Things Pocket (their name, not mine) on the right back thigh.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Forget Elf on the Shelf! We Have Yoda on the Soda

People are insane about Elf on the Shelf.

Either they think Elf is a fun tradition and love it or they think Elf is a creepy stalker partying like a student on Spring Break and hate it.


There is no middle ground.

Husband came up with an Elf on the Shelf alternative.

I present:


Yoda on the Soda
“You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.”

Yoda on the Soda.

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